I have an unusual attachment to my loo

Now, it’s not some weird type of gross problem. Honestly. If anything that title should make you chuckle and hopefully, if you’ve had a pants day, it’s brought a smile to your face.

But I am totally serious. I have a weird type of attachment to my bathroom (notice I changed from loo…I’m not telling you about my loo habits so let’s nip that idea of yours in the bud). My routine coming home from work goes pretty much the same:

I put my bike away and realise how hot I am as I walk to my front door. I get the post from my little outside box and struggle with that frustratingly heavy outside door. When I get in I always note how annoyingly hot this over-insulated flat is and kick off my shoes, overlayers and pashmina as quickly as possible. I click the clasp on my watch, slide it from my wrist and lay it gently on the glass top of our bedroom draws. Then, I take either a book, or in this case my laptop and sit in my bathroom. The sound of the traffic outside is somewhat soothing and it seems like I’m in a little cucoon of calm before I have to tackle this evenings events and to do list.

Think of me what you will but this is my little space of calm at the end of a busy (or not so busy day). It’s where I come to chill my ‘little grey cells’ and unwind before the evening. This is something every writer should do (and every human being as well, of course). A friend reminded me of that recently, that it’s important to just chill your beans and feed yourself as a writer. I am having a chilling and feeding session at the moment – mine just happens to be in my bathroom.

Don’t be afraid to stop. I used to be and sometimes, if I don’t catch myself, I still am. If your a to-do list, tick-list, organised sort of person you can find it hard to switch of but do me a favour and do this – ‘Take five minutes and chill your beans’.

[The Blog Ends Here – Below – Next Installment of ‘Do I Look Like I Give a Crap’]

(This weeks has not been proof-read – apologies, this is my bare, raw writing = bad)

‘“How’d you find me Danny?” And what the hell was he doing here? I’d been gone for almost three months; I hadn’t been human in that time, so how the hell had he managed to track me? I’d only just morphed back to the weak girly version of me to get a coffee this morning and here he was, just happening to be in the same diner.

“It wasn’t exactly hard, you’re leaving a pretty heavy path of destruction behind you. You’re lucky the cops aren’t on to you yet.” He stretched in his checked cotton shirt. Rubbing the back of his neck with his tough hand. He didn’t look like he’d shaved in about a week. It seemed to be the day of examining, he was checking me out pretty thoroughly too,

“You look like hell girl.”

“You don’t look that great yourself, how long’ve you been on the road?” I put the coffee to my lips and took a sip, it was hot, and the smell was so rich and bitter, pretty good for Diner coffee.

“Pretty much as long as you.” So his beard was older than a week, man it took him a while to grow that thing, like three months and it wasn’t even that long.

“So it wasn’t that easy to find me then?” I said a little smug, it was more of a statement than a question but typical Danny, he had to ruin my moment.

“Well it takes a little longer to travel when you’re human all the time, especially when you’re trying to scrounge lifts. It’s amazing how far some truck drivers will take you for just telling them stories about the wild animal packs around.” His eyes twinkled as he referred to himself and me. He loved the fact that humans were so fascinated with us, I think he liked the power of fear it gave him over them. What a guy.

“What do you want then?”

“Just thought you might like the company is all.” I didn’t buy it. He hadn’t travelled this far for a little bit of banter. I frowned but let it go. I couldn’t exactly cause a scene in here, I don’t think they liked it when you yelled and were violent in public places. Humans were so weird.

“So how’s the gang doin?” I asked, so wanting to hear that the cops had caught them all and put them in jail, or better some lab.

“Alright I suppose.” Danny didn’t really look at me when he said it. What was going on? He answered so vaguely, why had the boss man sent him? It couldn’t be to kill me. As much as the boss man wanted to have me done, he wouldn’t send Danny to do it, too much history.

Danny looked like he was reading my mind, he was looking at me all sort of misty like. He must have been reminiscing in his head. We’d been together since we realised our, shall I say, capabilities. Being able to morph into a wonderful fantasy creature seemed pretty cool on the surface. But when you were being hunted by the humans because you were seen as some dinosaur resurrected it kinda sucked the fun out of all of it. Though Danny and I have always had a laugh. Even when we were nearly caught by the cops a couple years ago he’d laughed about it, broken leg and all. That was when we thought it would probably be a brainy thing to join one of these gangs. Groups of our type did it quite often for protection, problem was they were often some kind of military fanatic group, bent on human destruction. Just like the jolly family we’d joined. We’d gone along with it before, but when it came to killing all those humans in the valley, well that was too far. I stayed back for that one, and Danny ran off for a bit so he didn’t have to join in either. I got a beating for that rebellion. It was right about then that Boss man decided to tell me his grand (but insane) plan for our gang. It was breeding season apparently, alpha male with female and all that, so we could strengthen our pack with pure genes. Boss man was definitely related to Hitler I think. Well after I rejected his romantic dragon advances, it seemed I needed to be coerced into accepting him. Like that was gonna happen. I morphed back to human and that’s about when I picked up the crowbar to beat his ass. Sweet life eh?

Well perhaps Danny was like one of those ancient courtly flirter people that monarchs used to send to other monarchs to chat them up for themselves. That was a bit stupid, seeing as me and Danny were pretty much brother and sister.  And he knew that if decided to use any sweet lines on me I would break his arm, simple.

“Don’t get so tense Zee. Man I’m not here to try persuade you or anything.” He always read my mind. Annoying or what! I really needed to work on my poker face. But problem was with a temper like mine I didn’t usually have time to put on a fake face.

“Well then why are you here? I mean seriously do I look like I want company?”

“Wanna go for a walk sweet one?” he always did ignore my moods, to many years of hearing them. He knew exactly what his chilled mood did to me. It infected me. What an ass.

“Alright then sweetie.” I smiled sarcastically and stood up, pulling my tank top back down to meet the top of my combats. I left money for the coffee and walked my big cat boots out of there. Danny was right behind me and when we got outside I felt his vice like arms around me,

“It’s good to see you Zeezee.” He said, burying his head in my hair. I probably didn’t smell good.

“Geez man! You’ve gone all soppy since I’ve been away. Who’s the girl now?” I said but couldn’t help smiling. He heard it in my voice,

“See, knew you were happy to see me, even if you wanted to flame throw my head off at first!”

“Mmm did tempt me.” I giggled, “Seriously Danny, why are you here? Aren’t you missing your family by now?”

“Yeah, I’ve been missing you.” He shrugged, letting go of me, “Come’on Zee, did you really think I was gonna stay there. I just wish you had told me where you were going. I mean flip, I didn’t want to get caught, that’s why I stayed human, but you decided to parade to the world that you existed and now a huge dragon hunt is on.”

“Yeah, I do like to cut a dash,” I danced merrily, shirking the responsibility for the forest fire’s I’d caused while hunting. I couldn’t help but be happy he was here though, I hadn’t realised how much I’d missed him.

“You can say that again. Do you wanna come back to the hotel seeing as we’re back together again?”

“Hold on a sec, we’re not back together in a group way. No I’m flying solo from now on.”

“But Zee…”

“Nu uh man! Not after what happened back there.” I gestured south, “Fat chance, I’m alone now, even you didn’t try saving me, you think I’m trusting you again. Look we had a good run as friends, but let’s face it, you made you’re choices.”

His face crumpled, and I felt bad about that. But I wasn’t about to trust anyone.

“See ya Danny.” I stood on tip toes and gave him a peck on the cheek. I turned and ran for the forest at the back of the Diner.

“Zeeee!” He yelled and I could hear him running behind me, but he knew that when I morphed he couldn’t keep up, never could.

Once I reached the forest boundary I jumped off the ground, about ten foot from the forest floor I burst out a flash of light and I felt the shimmer go down my body. Skin particles turned over to display scales and my body stretched, large wings emerging from my back. Soon the air currents lifted me higher and higher. I was soaring before you knew it. I was escaping Danny, and this time I wasn’t gonna leave a trail.’


Published by Philippa Jane Keyworth

Philippa Jane Keyworth, known to her friends as Pip, has been writing since she was twelve in every notebook she could find. Originally trained as a horse-riding instructor, Philippa went on to become a copywriter before beginning a degree in History. A born again Christian, Philippa lives in the south of England with her handsome husband. Philippa has always written stories and believes that, since it is one of her loves and passions, she always will. In her early writing career, she dabbled in a variety of genres, but it was the encouragement of a friend to watch a film adaptation of Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice that began her love affair with the British Regency. Since then, she has watched every Regency film and TV series she could get her hands on and become well acquainted with Georgette Heyer's novels which gave her the inspiration to write her own. Both as a reader and a writer, Philippa believes it is important to escape into a world you yourself would want to live in. This is why she writes stories that will draw you into the characters' joys and heartaches in a world apart from our own. Her debut novel, The Widow's Redeemer (Madison Street Publishing, 2012), is a traditional Regency romance bringing to life the romance between a young widow with an indomitable spirit and a wealthy viscount with an unsavory reputation. The novel has been received well by readers and reviewers who have praised the heartfelt story and admirable characters. Her second novel, The Unexpected Earl (Madison Street Publishing, 2014), explores another romance in the Regency era when an impetuous young woman has her life turned upside down by the reappearance of the earl who jilted her six years ago. So, what are you waiting for? Get swept away into another time with characters you will learn to love, and experience the British Regency like never before.

9 thoughts on “I have an unusual attachment to my loo

    1. Good! I think everyone needs a hide-away — Front Porch sounds lovely, I bet it’s nice and sunny 🙂

  1. oooooooo…. ok, less frustrated now I’ve read the next installment! “More, more, more, more!!!!!”

    Watch out for toilet seat pressure areas in your oasis of calm tho!

    1. Thanks so much for reading all the series so far! I shall make it my business to post the rest of what I have written just for you! Maybe I should take up this series to finish as part of my 6048 hours challenge….hmmm!

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